The Playoffs! Round 2

I’m droppin’ links on ya! Round 1 Highlights... better late than never.


Missing Tackles for Dummies

There's a reason he's the all-time leading rusher in NFL history

A Giant among men.

I don't always catch TD passes, but when I do I prefer to be double covered.

Why waste time?

Burned

Missing Tackles for Dummies: Volume 2


Alright, time to move on. It’s Round 2 of the Playoffs! After winning their Wild Card games last week, David and Drew have moved on to challenge the top ranked teams in the land.

Ashley Woods and the Holyhead Harpies are well rested after a Bye in Round 1, and they’ll be looking for a birth in the Championship Game with a win over David and Osama’s Body Guards today.

Jon Nelson and Homestar’s Runners spent the week at GenCon in Indianapolis, soaking up as much nerdy stuff as possible before their matchup today with Drew and Los Cuñados.

It’s the Final Four of Tecmo... game on!

Matchup #1: The Boss of “Big Dick Shiancoe”

Holyhead Harpies  vs  Osama’s Body Guards

The Harpies entered this game as the #1 Team and #1 Offense in the league, while the Body Guards held the #4 slot for Team and Offense respectively. I expected a matchup where the team would combine for over 225 points, but Tecmodius had something else in mind for his minions on this day.

Neither team would score over 90 points, and the final difference between the two squads was only 10.08 points...

With a spot in the Tecmo Super Bowl on the line, Ashley started off with her tag-team combo of QB Steve DeBerg and RB Christian Okoye of the Chiefs. DeBerg had found himself in a late-season slump over the past few weeks, but could he turn it around in the playoffs??

Not really. To his credit, he did have a mistake-free game, which is more than most QB’s can vouch for. However, his poor pocket presence and erratic decisions led to only 93 yards passing with 1 TD. When he did complete a pass, it was usually to David’s WR Stephone Paige (3 catches for 90 yards), which led to a “double-edged sword” situation that we’ve seen plenty of times throughout the year. DeBerg managed to add 23 yards rushing over the course of the game, but in the end his 10.02 was not the performance the Harpies needed.

Okoye did his best to pick up the slack, but even he struggled to break through the defense. As the 3rd Quarter came to a close, Okoye only had 54 rushing yards and 1 TD.  He would add 14 more yards in a final drive that saw a positive twist for Woods. With the ball at the 3 yard line, DeBerg tried several times to throw a TD pass to Paige and Thomas. Neither receiver was able to hold onto the ball, so DeBerg called another pass play on 3rd down. The defense brought the pressure, and Steve scrambled to his right. He stepped up to the line of scrimmage, dodging a defender and launching a bullet across his body to the far left corner of the end zone where Okoye stood alone. Touchdown. The TD catch boosted Okoye’s score to a 20.1 and helped the Harpies back on their feet.

David would turn to a tag-team of his own for his first attack: QB Jim Kelly and WR Andre Reed of the Bills. With Kelly’s emergence in the 2nd Half of the season, the OBG’s have found new life. They would need a great game from him today.

He responded with a decent performance. Kelly also had a mistake-free day, but he was more inclined to hand off the ball or run the bootleg himself than he was to let it fly down field. With Thurman Thomas carrying the load, Jim would need to make good decisions and hit wide open receivers when he had the chance. He did. Kelly spread the ball around the field, from WR’s and TE’s to his backup RB's ,racking up 145 yards and 2 TD’s through the air. He added 18 rush yards on the ground, but his final total of 15.6 wasn’t quite up to his talent level.

As for Reed, he wasn’t able to cash in on any of Kelly’s TD passes. Lofton, Thomas, and McKeller were the favored targets of the day, and Reed walked away with only 1 catch for 26 yards. He had several opportunities, but some of the passes were knocked down or overthrown. His 3.6 was a step back for the Body Guards.

Pressing her points advantage, Ashley turned to her WR’s for some momentum. WR Jerry Rice of the 49ers would have a frustrating day on the field, despite being wide open most of the game. QB Joe Montana was NOT cooperating. He would drop back, have 3-4 wide open receivers downfield, then just tuck it and run. Or he would camp in the pocket until he was sacked.

Despite the frustrations, Rice was able to make a freakish catch on the final offensive play of the game. The dude had 4 DB’s on him! He finished with 2 catches for 37 yards and 1 TD.

The Clark Brothers were next up for the Harpies, but only half of the duo showed up to play today. WR Robert Clark of the Lions was shut out in his game as he was unable to grab a catch. Gary Clark of the Redskins fared a little better, but he only saw the ball 1 time. Luckily for Woods, that 1 catch was a 43 yard TD grab.

While Woods took to the air for her points, David stayed on the ground. RB’s Ottis Anderson of the Giants and Keith Byars of the Eagles are both known for their tough, slow running. Sometimes that’s good, other times it’s bad. Today it was great.

Ottis was up first, and despite only getting 5 carries he managed to dig up 72 yards and 1 TD. The decisive play for him came on a 3rd down after Phil Simms was stopped at the 1 yard line after trying the bootleg. Simms would fake the handoff up the gut on the next play and pitch it wide to Anderson, who strolled into the end zone untouched for six.

Byars was next, and while he only managed 57 yards and 1 TD, he made up for it by catching 2 passes for 23 yards. His defining moment was a mean 26 yard TD run that included 4 broken tackles and some nimble footwork along the sidelines.

As the week wore on, Woods and Horn would swap the lead several times, but the score was always very close. After the Defenses tied at 4 points apiece and the Kicker/KR combos made it a wash at roughly 10 points per team, the matchup was tied at 75. The outcome rested on the shoulders of just two players...

The Harpies would send out RB Johnny Johnson of the Cardinals, one of the most underrated picks of the draft, yet one of the best point producers in the league.

Osama’s Body Guards would have to turn to QB Chris Miller of the Falcons, a player well known for serving up INT’s like chicken nuggets at McDonald’s.

Johnson faced the Broncos defense, and he got off to a slow start. QB Timm Rosenbach passed the ball more than he usually does, which stalled the drive several times and resulted in a few turnovers. As the 1st Half drew to a close, Johnson had 12 yards and no TD’s to his name. There’s always a 2nd Half, though, and Johnny started off with a 20 yard run. It was his biggest gain of the day, and it marked the end of his production. Johnson would gain only 1 more yard for the rest of the game, and he never found the end zone. His 3.3 was a shock to the Harpies, and it left them wondering if they would be sent home.

The funny thing about this situation is this: even after I saw Johnson put up a 3.3, I was STILL certain that the Harpies were going to win. I have as much confidence in Chris Miller as Twins fans have in Matt Capps. Could Miller do the unthinkable?

He started the game in true Miller fashion, running the bootleg over and over with little success. When he did throw the ball, it was 20 yards past the receiver or a lame duck into triple coverage that was miraculously not intercepted. The Seahawks defense wasn’t covering anyone. They were literally daring him to throw a TD pass. Late in the 3rd Quarter... Miller finally did it.

Andre Rison streaked down the sidelines, miles away from any defender. Miller launched the ball 65 yards through the air, and he hit him in stride just inside the endzone. Touchdown. Miller wouldn’t throw an INT all game, and he never fumbled either. His 13.14 wasn’t spectacular compared to the top QB’s in the league, but it was fuckin’ fantastic for him and his team.



With the win, David and Osama’s Body Guards become the first team to earn a spot in the Tecmo Super Bowl! Woo! He started off in a slump at 1-3, but his team won 7 of their final 10 games to make the playoffs, and now only 1 team stands between him and Tecmo Glory.

Winner: David (Osama’s Body Guards), with 88.04 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: RB Keith Byars of the Eagles with 16 points.

Loser: Ashley (Holyhead Harpies), with 77.96 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: RB Christian Okoye with 20.3 points.

Matchup #2: The Favored Fantasy of “Fútbol is so Fancy”

Homestar’s Runners  vs  Los Cuñados

Two words: cardiac arrest. This matchup was INTENSE, with a final difference of only 4.54 points! Both teams scored over 100 points, but each team had its fair share of disappointment as well.

Strap in, folks. It’s Jon Nelson and the #2 ranked Homestar’s Runners against Commissioner Rafi and the #3 ranked Los Cuñados. Each team finished the season at 10-4, but Jon’s team bested my squad on two occasions. Who will join David in the Tecmo Super Bowl?? Let’s find out!

The matchup started with an inter-squad tag team of QB Warren Moon and WR Drew Hill of the OIlers. Los Cuñados has relied heavily on the arm and legs of Moon in the past few weeks, and today would be no different. Facing the Browns, Warren wasted no time in picking apart the defense for plenty of yards and a few TD’s. Moon and Hill even hooked up on this play in the 3rd Quarter. Even though both owners scored on the play, the points edge always goes to the WR, so Jon gained the most from this. Hill would grab another deep ball, but couldn’t find the end zone again. Moon would dominate Cleveland, throwing for 212 yards 3 TD’s while rushing for 1 TD as well.

Homestar’s Runners would look to the Jim’s next. QB’s Harbaugh and Everett each faced a tough defense, and they both paid the price. Harbaugh was tormented by the Bucs and their daunting secondary. He managed to do this to close out the 1st Quarter, but that was his best play of the day. Tampa Bay deflected or intercepted Harbaugh’s passes, and the constant pressure led to a lack of success and a final score of 6.76 points. Hell, they even injured him early in the 4th Quarter (to a chorus of cheers from me).

Everett did a little better, and I mean a little. He had to earn every one of his 6.84 points as he went up against a tenacious Vikings defense. Chris Doleman got very acquainted with the QB over the course of the game, sacking him multiple times and forcing errant throws on quite a few plays. Jim missed his share of wide open receivers, too, and in the end he had one of the worst games of his season.

With Jon’s team struggling to score, Drew and Los Cuñados looked to their WR’s to stack up some points. WR John Taylor of the 49ers spent the day wide open, screaming at the top of his lungs for Montana to throw him the ball. Joe had other ideas. He wanted to run. He wanted to roam the grass like a gazelle, bouncing his way around the field and completely disregarding his WR’s in the process. Thanks, Joe. Taylor never saw a pass attempt thrown his way.

Next up was Willie Gault of the Raiders. I had used Barnett in the previous week, but the Raiders were playing the Saints this week... and that HAS to be a good matchup, right?? Yeah, for Bo Jackson.

Let’s detour to Bo for a bit. He got the ball, and he got it often. Schroeder was all about the handoffs on this day, and Jackson was ready to capitalize. Here he is embarrassing the Saints’ Defense.

He did that a lot, finishing with 143 yards and 2 TD’s. Every run was painful for me. Every handoff had the potential to go the distance, and it also meant that Willie Gault was not seeing the ball. Schroeder ended up tossing 1 pass Willie’s way, but it was poorly underthrown and intercepted just outside the end zone. 0 points for Willie.

While Gault was sitting, Fred Barnett found himself on the receiving end of a late TD pass from Randall Cunningham. He only had one catch the entire game, but the 10.4 points he acquired stung quite a bit... I should’ve played him!

Finally, Mark Jackson of the Broncos turned out to be the only WR that would score points for me, and even THAT was a miracle. Elway threw 1 pass his way, and I was damn sure it was going to be an interception until the D-back just gave up on it. Jackson dove for the ball and crossed into the end zone just after the catch. Touchdown. My entire WR core totaled 7.8 points for the week. Ugh.

Each team’s Defense did well, with the Steelers notching 11 points for Homestar’s Runners after the Bengals just refused to make a FG from inside the 30 (missed 3) and finished with only 6 points. The Bears had more difficulty than I foresaw with the Bucs, but they managed 7 points after holding them to 17 points.

There were plenty of ups and downs on each side throughout the week. Missed FG’s, big plays, turnovers, sick TD’s, and injuries... but both Owners would share the reality of poor production from the #2 RB slot. Marion Butts of the Chargers was completely useless for Drew, totaling only 3.1 points thanks to low yardage and a fumble. Roger Craig proved to be a weakling for Jon, racking up 35 yards before going down with an injury in the 1st Quarter. If you’re keeping track, that’s two injuries for Jon.

While his #2 slot RB was awful, Drew’s #1 RB was destined to put up some big numbers. RB Thurman Thomas of the Bills has been a good source of points all season, and he put on a show today. Thurman was a beast on the field, scrambling his way to 145 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground, while also catching 2 passes for 41 yards.

That burst of points was enough to put Los Cuñados in the lead, but Homestar’s Runners still had WR Andre Rison to work with. I was confident that he wouldn’t score too many points due to the fact that his QB, Chris Miller, is genuinely awful. Luckily for Jon, the Falcons were playing the Seahawks...

Rison ended up with only 2 catches, but boy did he make them count. The first was a huuuuge TD of 70 yards. Miller hung that ball up there for at least 65 yards, and Rison was all alone for the TD. I was screaming profanities at the Seahawks defense. The other catch was a simple 40 yard grab, but it was enough to get Rison 19 points for the day and send Jon right back into the lead.

In the end, it would all come down to the Giants. Drew had QB Phil Simms to play, while Jon had TE Mark Bavaro and KR David Megget. Simms’ production has dwindled as of late, but he was going to have to find a way to score at least 18 points while avoiding Bavaro. For Jon, a TD catch from Bavaro or a series of healthy KR’s from David Megget could seal the deal for him.

Simms started slow, with several passes knocked to the ground early on (including two to Bavaro). It wouldn’t be until the 2nd Half that the Giants’ offense would heat up. With 4 minutes left on the clock, Simms flipped a switch and started going Superman on the defense. He found Baker for one TD, and moments later (after the Giants forced a turnover) he found Ingram for another score. DAMN was I getting nervous. This shit was CLOSE.

As the game drew to a close, Simms botched an opportunity to score and I thought it was over. But the Eagles were trailing, which means that on 4th down for them with less than 1 minute to go... they had to go for it. The Giants Defense held up, and Simms would have a final shot at redemption!

The fate of Homestar’s Runners and Los Cuñados hung in the balance of this final play... the final play of the final game of the week. Simms needed to throw a TD to win, but he had to avoid Bavaro. Take a look.





















SWEET BABY JESUS. I’ve watched this clip a million times, and I still can’t believe it!


He could have at least THROWN the ball. Megget was wide open down the middle... le sigh.

But hey, one man’s tragedy is another man’s triumph. With the victory, Jon Nelson and Homestar’s Runners will move on to face David Horn and Osama’s Body Guards in the Tecmo Super Bowl! Woo! Jon streaked to a 9-0 start, streaked the other way during a 4 game slump, then put together some clutch wins to reach the final game and get a chance at Tecmo Glory.


Winner: Jon (Homestar’s Runners), with 105.6 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: RB Bo Jackson of the Raiders with 26.3 points.

Loser: Drew (Los Cuñados), with 101.6 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: RB Thurman Thomas of the Bills with 32.6 points.

The Finale: The Tecmo Super Bowl

Next week will mark the grand finale of Season 1 of the Tecmo Super Bowl Showdown. The festivities will include:

• The Tecmo Super Bowl

• 3rd Place game, 5th place game, and a 4-team Battle Royale between teams 7-10

• The Divisional Pro Bowl - Big Dick Shiancoe  vs  Fútbol is so Fancy

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH. Let’s go out with a bang next week, ok??