Week 11 Results

The Trade Deadline has passed, and the final four weeks of the regular season are upon us!

Week #11
Blue Barracudas	at	Westies
Cool Story, Bro	at	Osama's Body Guards
Los Cuñados	at	Fukushima Fallouts
Homestar's Runners	at	Tatooine Sand People
Kubes Likes Boobs	at	Holyhead Harpies

Any Chronicles of Narnia fans out there?? I stumbled across this comic today. Awkward silences are funny...

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF250-Uncle_Duncan.jpg

Here are a few more of my favorites from this comic strip...

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF238-Capital_Punishment.jpg

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF234-Finneas.jpg

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF231-Baby.jpg


Ohhhhhh goodness. I am laughing. Possibly out loud.


So, football is still happening. We’ve got three teams tied at 6-4 and three teams tied at 3-7, with Josh sandwiched in the middle at 5-5. Jon and Ashley are still fighting for the #1 Overall Seed after Jon’s loss last week, and Noah is just chillin’ at the bottom. Oh, and I forgot to mention this last week, but congrats to Ashley on clinching the 2nd of 6 available playoff spots!

Let’s doooo iiiiiiit.

Matchup #1: Divisional Rematch

Blue Barracudas  vs  Westies

When these two teams met back in Week 5, Tyler walked away victorious. That win could prove to be a decisive step towards the playoffs if he can replicate the results today. If not, Jamie and the Westies will destroy that Tie Break and it will be a mad dash to the finish.

The Blue Barracudas started off with a solid day from RB Barry Sanders of the Lions, although it could have been better if QB Rodney Peete had handed the ball off a few more times. For the second straight week, Sanders saw only 4 carries, but he made the most of the them on his way to 85 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground.

Peete belongs to Jamie, so keeping the ball away from Barry was a good thing for her. The QB also had 4 carries, which he turned into 25 yards and 1 TD. However, it was his arm and not his legs that carried the team today. Peete stood tall in the pocket and looked deep all day. His 301 yards and 3 TD’s was a personal best for the season, and it set up the Westies with an early 10 point lead.

Tyler would go on to collect some points from unusual sources, such as a 9.6 from his KR Charles Wilson of the Packers, and a 9.4 from his TE Keith McKeller of the Bills. He needed every point, because his team leaders were having an off day. QB Mark Rypien of the Skins couldn’t seem to find his rhythm against a generally weak Falcons defense. His 5.6 was a tough blow to overcome. The Saints Defense made it worse by posting a -7 for the week, 1 point worse than their performance just a week ago...

The Westies would go on to close out this matchup with a MONSTER performance from QB Joe Montana of the 49ers. Joe was a beast on the field, humiliating the Saints Defense for 305 yards and SIX TD’s through the air, while adding 24 yards and 1 TD on the ground. He accounted for 7 TD’s!! Montana’s 44.6 point day was the second best performance by any player this season (behind Bo Jackson’s score of 49.1), and he did it by spreading the ball around and letting each play develop. Mad props to his O-Line for giving him “2007 Tom Brady” pocket protection.


Winner: Jamie (Westies), with 126.44 Total Points. (4-7)
Leading Scorer: QB Joe Montana of the 49ers with 44.6 points.

Loser: Tyler (Blue Barracudas), with 83.56 Total Points. (3-8)
Leading Scorer: RB Barry Sanders of the Lions with 23.5 points.

Metcalf is shufflin' like it's Hammer Time

Who cares if we're winning?? I WANT MY 3 POINTS!

Matchup #2: Non-Divisional Battle

Cool Story, Bro  vs  Osama’s Body Guards

Wowzers. This game carried a HUGE amount of weight as far as playoff seeding goes. Each team is 6-4 and this is their only matchup before the playoffs, so a win today will give one Owner a big Tie-Break advantage while pushing another Owner closer to missing the playoffs.

You know, I would love to tell you about RB Cleveland Gary’s big day for JeBron. It would be such a pleasant little story recapping his 29.6 point day against the tenacious Chiefs Defense that included 144 yards and 2 TD’s.

But Sir Gary of Los Angeles is not the center of today’s attention. Rather, let us join in a generous round of applause to congratulate the Owner who broke the Total Points record for a single week...

JeBron, sit down please... JeBron... seriously, you’re making this awkward.... MR. LAMES. SIT. THE FUCK. DOWN.... thanks, bro.

Ladies and gentleman, give it up for David Horn and Osama’s Body Guards! After failing to protect their leader, the terrorists banded together in a courageous effort these past few weeks, stringing together 6 wins in 7 games. The culmination of these efforts was a team performance for the ages... 194.56 points!

I was certain David was going to break 200, but this is close enough. QB Jim Kelly and WR Andre Reed of the Bills teamed up to score 37 and 38 points respectively. Slo-Mo RB Keith Byars of the Eagles trudged his way around the Browns to post a 34, while newly rejuvenated RB Ottis Anderson of the Giants added 24 of his own.

Everyone on the team chipped in, from Kickers and TE’s to the KR and the Defense. Nice work, Horninator.


Winner: David (Osama’s Body Guards), with 194.56 Total Points. (7-4)
Leading Scorer: WR Andre Reed of the Bills with 38.1 points.

Loser: JeBron (Cool Story, Bro), with 84.08 Total Points. (6-5)
Leading Scorer: RB Cleveland Gary of the Rams with 29.6 points.

That run was LUDACRIS (it'll make sense in the description...)

Matchup #3: Non-Divisional Battle

Los Cuñados  vs  Fukushima Fallouts

Since the victory over Ashley in Week 5, Drew and Los Cuñados have done this: L, W, L, W, L. A vicious cycle to be sure, but if the team hopes to keep pace with David then the pattern must be fulfilled with a Win this week.

Meanwhile, despite being eliminated from playoff contention last week, Noah is looking to shake up the playoff picture by stealing some wins wherever he can and making the rest of us miserable in the process.

After weeks of cutting myself at night, RB Marion Butts of the Chargers finally stepped into the light and lived up to his potential. It helped that B.J. Tolliver handed him the ball 16 times! Butts was all over the Seahawks, taking his runs up the middle to the outside on more than one occassion for some big gains. His 164 yards and 2 TD’s on the ground, coupled with a brilliant 35 yard TD reception/scramble, led to a season high 38.9 points.

Noah had the wind knocked out of him, but he was still ready to do battle. QB Dan Marino of the Dolphins escaped pressure several times to throw TD’s late in the game. Add in a rushing TD early in the game and Marino notched a 27 for the week. QB Randall Cunningham of the Eagles and RB Herschel Walker of the Vikings each added 17 points to the mix, and suddenly Noah was in the lead.

But daaaang, it just wasn’t enough. Los Cuñados went on to score 141 points for the week, even with RB Thurman Thomas injured. QB Phil Simms of the Giants returned to his true form to post a 29, while QB Warren Moon of the Oilers added 25, and WR John Taylor of the 49ers helped out with 20.


Winner: Drew (Los Cuñados), with 141.74 Total Points. (7-4)
Leading Scorer: RB Marion Butts of the Chargers with 38.9 points.

Loser: Noah (Fukushima Fallouts), with 93.32 Total Points. (1-10)
Leading Scorer: QB Dan Marino of the Dolphins with 27.02 points.

Simmulate this, fool.

Multiple Ba-donka-donks

Matchup #4: Non-Divisional Rematch

Homestar’s Runners  vs  Tatooine Sand People

Fresh off his first loss of the season, Jon and Homestar’s Runners look to hang onto sole possession of the #1 Overall Seed, while Josh and the Tatooine Sand People hope to stay in the playoff race by shocking the top team for a second straight week.

For those of you paying attention, Jon’s main squeeze (RB Bo Jackson of the Raiders) had been in a bit of a slump leading up to this week. After posting an expected 29.7 in Week 7, Bo scored a dismal 6.3 fantasy points in Week 8, only 9.1 in Week 9, and had a Bye Week in Week 10. He needed the rest, and he used it to his advantage.

Action Jackson wasn’t askin’ questions
He crashed and thrashed through all the sections
Of the football field, his wounds were healed
25.7? Now that’s expected.
Bo Jackson, bitches. Resurrected.

By the way, I imagine Bo dropping those rhymes HIMSELF at Poetry Slam sponsored by Ricky Henderson, because those are two guys that would definitely rap about themselves in the third person. Feel free to add any other egos to this event by leaving them in the comments below.

Anyways, after Josh shook off the cold sweats from listening to such a sick rhyme, he composed himself... he focused his hatred on his opponent... he wasn’t fuckin’ around anymore... no... Josh was out for BLOOD .

It started with another 21 point performance from the 49ers Defense. Just like the Joker says, you gotta have an Ace in the hole, and the Tatooine Sand People have San Fran’s Defense. While Joe Montana was ravaging the Saints on one side of the ball, the Defense was terrorizing them on the other. DT Pierce Holt got up in QB Steve Walsh’s grill all day, sacking him multiple times. The Defense held the Saints to just 2 FG’s all game, which were kicked through the uprights by Josh’s Kicker Morten Andersen.

Each team looked to pull ahead, but the QB’s would not oblige. Homestar’s Runners got only 17 points out of Jim Everett and Jim Harbaugh, while the Sand People could only muster 21 from Troy Aikman and Jay Schroeder after each QB threw 2 INT’s.

After Josh’s RB’s only combined for 20 points, the battle looked to be over. However, Jon’s other RB, Roger Craig of the 49ers, remained injured from last week. The resulting 0 was a low blow.

The difference would come in the form of 1 TE and 2 WR’s. Homestar’s Runners has a decent WR trio, and today Drew Hill of the Oilers and Andre Rison of the Falcons tried to prove that. Hill grabbed 2 passes for 77 yards and 1 TD, while Rison hauled in 1 catch for 49 yards and a TD.

But the Tatooine Sand People were more impressive. WR Mark Clayton of the Dolphins dominated the Patriots secondary on his way to catching 3 passes for 132 yards and 1 TD. Even crazier was the Sterling Sharpe sighting that I witnessed. After being declared missing since Week 7 by the Green Bay Police Department, Sharpe stormed back last week to post a 16.5, and improved upon that score with a 20.2 this week. TE Eric Green of the Steelers topped off the day with an 11 yard TD catch for a season-high 8.1 points.

So there you have it. Jon has lost two games in a row, and the The Sand People have achieved their greatest victory of the season. I sense a bobblehead day next week at Hutt Stadium!


Winner: Josh (Tatooine Sand People), with 121.42 Total Points. (6-5)
Leading Scorer: WR Mark Clayton of the Dolphins with 22.2 points.

Loser: Jon (Homestar’s Runners), with 89.88 Total Points. (9-2)
Leading Scorer: RB Bo Jackson of the Raiders with 25.7 points.

Watch how far Pierce Holt throws this poor O-Lineman

Matchup #5: Divisional Rematch

Kubes Likes Boobs  vs  Holyhead Harpies

It’s another day full of sweet dreams in paradise for Sam and Kubes Like Boobs, as they face Ashley and Holyhead Harpies . Mmmmmmmm. Yeeeaaaaah.

After Jon’s second straight loss, the Harpies are looking to move into the #1 Overall Seed with a win today, while Kubes is hanging onto that playoff bubble for dear life.

The sweet dreams quickly turned to nightmares for Sam as Ashley won the matchup.

The End.


Ok, fine... here’s a little more info.

It was an interesting matchup early on as Ashley’s QB Bernie Kosar of the Browns went down with an injury on just the 2nd play of the game. After her other QB (Steve DeBerg of the Chiefs) posted a meager 7.76, I though for sure that Sam would sneak in for the victory.

QB Bubby Brister of the Steelers was ready to prevent those shenanigans. His miserable day concluded with 2 INT’s in the 4th Quarter, and his score of 1.6 was downright ugly. After the entire receiving core for Kubes could only scrounge up 13.3 points, the game had officially been lost.


Winner: Ashley (Holyhead Harpies), with 106.36 Total Points. (9-2)
Leading Scorer: WR Robert Clark of the Lions with 27.7 points.

Loser: Sam (Kubes Likes Boobs), with 77.82 Total Points. (3-8)
Leading Scorer: QB John Elway of the Broncos with 16.82 points.

I don’t have any clips for you, but here’s a link to one of my favorite Tumblrs, Ca$h Cats! Incredibly wealthy felines who stack cheese!

Look at meow... Look at meow... I’m gettin’ paypurrrr.            http://cashcats.biz/

Week 11 Awards and Statistics

Owners of the Week
David (Osama’s Body Guards), with 194.56 Total Points.
Drew (Los Cuñados), with 141.74 Total Points.

Drafted Players of the Week
QB Joe Montana of the 49ers with 44.6 points. (Jamie)
RB Marion Butts of the Chargers with 38.9 points. (Drew)
WR Andre Reed of the Bills with 38.1 points. (David)
QB Jim Kelly of the Bills with 37.08 points. (David)

Undrafted Players of the Week
WR Richard Johnson of the Lions with 20.9 points.
RB Albert Bentley of the Colts with 19.7 points.
WR Stephen Baker of the Giants with 19.3 points.

C’mon, Man! Busts of the Week
The Saints Defense with -7 points. (Tyler)
QB Bubby Brister of the Steelers with 1.6 points. (Sam)
QB Jim Harbaugh of the Bears with 3.9 points. (Jon)

Too Bad he was on the Bench!
RB Blair Thomas of the Jets with 22.1 points. (Tyler)

Largest margin of victory: 110.48 (David over JeBron)
Smallest margin of victory: 28.54 (Ashley over Sam)
Most points scored in a loss: 93.32 (Noah)
Fewest points scored in a win: 106.36 (Ashley)
Average Total Score: 111.918 (2nd Highest total of the season behind Week 3 @ 114.06)
Biggest +/- from Week 10: - 26.72 (JeBron) and + 100.56 (David)