Week 2 Results

Week #2
Cool Story, Bro	at	Los Cuñados (D)
Blue Barracudas	at	Homestar's Runners (D)
Osama's Body Guards	at	Westies
Holyhead Harpies	at	Kubes Likes Boobs (D)
Tatooine Sand People	at	Fukushima Fallouts (D)

*** For the full Tecmo effect, please watch the highlight videos, check the Standings page, check the Injuries page, and reference the Google spreadsheet that I have emailed you with full owner and player stats.

Here we go! After an exciting and surprising Week 1 we move on to Week 2 of the Tecmo Super Bowl Showdown. We started off the season with some epic offensive explosions, but Week 2 featured some amazing Defense. Four teams (49ers, Bills, Bears, Chiefs) scored over 11 points, with the 49ers and Bills Defenses racking up 21 and 20 points respectively.

The average team score for Owners dropped by 5 points, but we still had someone break the 145 point mark... who will it be???

Matchup #1: Divisional Battle

Los Cuñados  vs  Cool Story, Bro

After a surprising Week 1 victory over the Westies, JeBron Lames (Cool Story, Bro) was riding high on his ego. In response, Drew put on his Commissioner Rafi boxing gloves and stepped into the ring with his team, Los Cuñados. Let the brawl begin!

You know what? Nevermind. This matchup is hardly worth discussing. Cool Story, Bro jumped out to an early lead just like last week... but then JeBron remembered that he’s JeBron, and there’s honestly not a single highlight to discuss on the rest of that team. It was downright awful. Cool Story, Bro set a new record for least points scored.

Los Cuñados could have won by just playing RB Thurman Thomas (20.1), the Bears Defense (17), and the under-performing Warren Moon (7.26).


Winner: Drew (Los Cuñados), with 106.74 Total Points. (1-1)
Leading Scorer: RB Thurman Thomas of the Bills, with 20.1 points.

Loser: JeBron (Cool Story, Bro), with 43.82 Total Points. (1-1)
Leading Scorer: QB Boomer Esiason of the Bengals, with 11.4 points.

Watch Phil Simms hit Mark Ingram for a big gain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMK4XkJh4gg

Matchup #2: Divisional Battle

Blue Barracudas  vs  Homestar’s Runners

This matchup featured last week’s lowest point total, Tyler and the Blue Barracudas with 59.26, against last week’s leading scorer, Jon and Homestar’s Runners with 155.22. The matchup also features arguably the top two running backs in the game, Barry Sanders of the Lions and Bo Jackson of the Raiders.

After Barry Sanders carried the load for the Blue Barracudas last week, he took a back seat to QB Mark Rypien of the Redskins this week. Rypien only completed 7 passes, but somehow still managed to rack up 224 yards of passing and 1 TD. Late in the game, Rypien put his head down and ran 25 yards for the score.

As for Barry, he had a decent week, rushing for 44 yards and 1 TD. But even Barry was overpowered by the monster that is Bo Jackson. Despite pulling an Adrian Peterson and coughing up the ball twice, Bo managed to rush for 221 yards and 1 TD against a tired Denver defense. The Broncos couldn’t seem to figure out the fake handoff to RB Marcus Allen up the middle with a pitch to Jackson on the outside, and he spent most of the day sprinting down the sidelines untouched.

Both owners had part of their team drag them down. Tyler lost ground when the Saints Defense put up a -2 for the week, and Jon was in trouble after QB Jim Harbaugh of the Bears threw 3 picks on his way to a -.26 performance.

The matchup ultimately hinged on the performance of each team’s WR core. Homestar’s Runners took a hit when Drew Hill of the Oilers posted a -2 after catching a deep ball from Moon only to fumble near the goal line (Note that in Tecmo, a fumble will completely negate the run/reception. Sad day!). Luckily his next two WR’s, Andre Rison of the Falcons and W. Slaughter of the Browns, stepped up their game to record scores in the mid teens. Rison’s points came on the first play of the game, when QB Chris Miller tossed a 61 yard bomb right into his arms for the TD.

In the end, the Blue Barracudas were unable to find the treasures of the Hidden Temple once again. None of Tyler’s receivers scored points, with several dropped passes and overthrows leading to their demise.

Winner: Jon (Homestar’s Runners), with 84.34 Total Points. (2-0)
Leading Scorer: RB Bo Jackson of the Raiders, with 24.1 points.

Loser: Tyler (Blue Barracudas), with 57.98 Total Points. (0-2)
Leading Scorer: QB Mark Rypien of the Redskins, with 24.56 points.

Check out this highlight of Rypien to Clark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIVQ4ZePU80

It’s Moon to Hill! No, wait! Givins has it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VN3AE4HH4Q

Matchup #3: Non-Divisional Matchup

Osama’s Body Guards  vs  Westies

After a confusing and disappointing loss to Cool Story, Bro last week, Jamie and the Westies (hmmm, possible name for a folk band??) looked to turn things around in Week 2. Standing in her way is everybody’s favorite local terrorist, David Horn with Osama’s Body Guards.

David’s team put the pressure on early with a huge performance from RB Ottis Anderson of the Giants. He trucked his way to 61 yards and 2 TD’s on 9 carries, as well as an impressive 51 yard diving reception late in the game. David’s top QB, Jim Kelly of the Bills, under-performed for a second straight week, but managed to post a respectable 11 point performance by the end of the day. WR Stephone Paige of the Chiefs, who nearly won a Player of the Week award in Week 1, was held without a catch and totaled 0 points for the day.

It was time for the Westies to take the field, and they certainly got off to a slow start. KR Chris Warren of the Seahawks went down with an injury early, having only acquired 25 yards on returns. WR Michael Irvin reiterated his desire to be benched, posting a 0 for the second straight week. The only bright spot early on came from the Chiefs Defense. They terrorized the Saints all day, forcing several turnovers and grabbing a few sacks on their way to a decent 8 point day.

As the week was wrapping up, Jamie and the Westies (Seriously, somebody write a song using a banjo based on this band name)... uhh the Westies trailed by 28.9 points with only two players left... QB Rodney Peete of the Lions and QB Joe Montana of the 49ers. Not bad to have those two in your back pocket.

Rodney Peete and the Lions took the field against the Packers, and the ups and downs started early on. Peete’s no Cunningham, but he can sure scramble, and that’s exactly what he did on the opening drive. Rodney took a snap early in the 1st quarter, dropped back, then cut right up the middle for 46 yards and a TD. The very next drive, he fumbled it away. The drive after that, he launched an 86 yard TD bomb to a leaping Robert Clark. To start the 2nd Half, he threw a pick. The next drive? Hello, Robert Clark. Oh, let me scramble for a bit. What? Interception? …

In two words, Rodney Peete was a HOT MESS. I’m talkin’ Lindsay motherfuckin’ Lohan. But somehow me managed to post a 23.24 for the week and avoid going to jail, leaving the Westies just 5.66 points from victory.

The final game of Week 2 featured the 49ers against the Chargers. Jamie had QB Joe Montana, and David had kicker Mike Cofer. The 49ers struggled a bit early on, giving Cofer two FG tries in the 1st Quarter. He missed them both. Then, after a mediocre Week 1 and a slow start in Week 2, Joe Montana started spittin’ fire like an angry Charizard. Studly Montana was 11/11, throwing for 289 yards and 3 TD’s. He also ran for 34 yards and a TD, because that’s what the big bosses do. He owes a lot to the 49ers Defense for humiliating QB B.J. Tolliver and the Chargers’ offense, but damn was he rollin’.

Thanks to all the TD’s, Mike Cofer was able to kick some PAT’s and even convert on his 3rd FG attempt, but it just wasn’t enough.


Winner: Jamie (Westies), with 108.9 Total Points. (1-1)
Leading Scorer: QB Joe Montana of the 49ers, with 32.96 points.

Loser: David (Osama’s Body Guards), with 91.8 Total Points. (1-1)
Leading Scorer: RB Ottis Anderson of the Giants, with 24.2 points.

Here’s Ottis Anderson doin’ his job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-spA0pU3gXk

Matchup #4: Divisional Battle

Holyhead Harpies  vs  Kubes Likes Boobs

Look out, tabloids. This matchup features and all-female quidditch team against an army of overweight, breast molesting baseball players. That’s right, it’s Ashley and the Holyhead Harpies squaring off against Sam and Kubes Likes Boobs.

After demolishing the Tatooine Sand People in one of the worst genocides seen since Anakin’s mother died, the Holyhead Harpies picked up right where they left off. The 1-2 punch of QB Steve DeBerg of the Chiefs and RB Christian Okoye of the same team wasted no time putting points on the board. Okoye had a monster day, plowing his way through the feeble New Orleans defenders for 183 yards and 2 TD’s. DeBerg tossed 1 TD and managed to throw for 110 yards, giving the Harpies a solid 40 points from just a single game.

Not to be outdone, Pro Bowl RB Bobby Humphrey of the Broncos set up shop in the endzone against the Raiders, scoring 3 TD’s while gaining 86 yards on the ground. The same could not be said for the team’s QB, John Elway. He struggled against the Raiders Defense, throwing two INT’s and fumbling the ball once.

Sam’s Defense, the Buffalo Bills, followed with a dominating 20 point performance, tearing apart the Steelers offense all game. The problem with that scenario is Sam’s QB Bubby Brister... who starts for the Steelers. He had an awful day, including two INT’s and a point total just below zero (-.08).

Over on Ashley’s side, everything was running smoothly. The Eagles Defense got her 8 points, her WR’s scored over 17 points each, and even her TE Keith Jackson of the Eagles posted an 11.8.

For the second straight week, the Holyhead Harpies dropped 145+ points on the competition, finishing the week with a 145.84 (an increase from last week by .5 points). Who will challenge this mighty beast?!?

Winner: Ashley (Holyhead Harpies), with 145.84 Total Points. (2-0)
Leading Scorer: RB Christian Okoye of the Chiefs, with 30.3 points.

Loser: Sam (Kubes Likes Boobs), with 90.46 Total Points. (1-1)
Leading Scorer: RB Bobby Humphrey of the Broncos, with 26.6 points.

Check out Christian “The Nigerian Nightmare” Okoye struttin’ to the end zone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7IJ1a3S548

Matchup #5: Divisional Battle

Tatooine Sand People  vs  Fukushima Fallouts

Our final matchup of the season features two teams with a lot more in common than they realize. It’s Noah’s radioactive Fukushima Fallouts against Josh and the arguably mutated Tatooine Sand People.

After getting slapped around like a naughty schoolgirl in Week 1, Josh had something to prove in Week 2. This matchup went down to the very last game, and the score was actually a lot closer than it looks.

Both teams started strong and stayed even when Noah’s QB Dan Marino of the Dolphins started tossing TD’s to Josh’s WR Mark Clayton. Marino finished with 3 TD’s in the air, with two of those going to Clayton. Noah also got a solid 10.5 point performance from RB Sammie Smith of the Dolphins, who quietly rushed for 45 yards and 1 TD.

With RB Herschel Walker of the Vikings out with an injury, the Fukushima Fallouts were already at a disadvantage in the pod race that is the fantasy football season. The Tatooine Sand People, expertly camped out in the middle of fucking nowhere with giant, rusty rifles, spotted this weakness and pumped a few bullets into it. RB James Brooks of the Bengals had a great day, rushing for 123 yards and 1 TD. Josh’s other RB, Emmitt Smith of the Cowboys, had another steady day, rushing for 90 yards and 1 TD.
The Fallouts countered with another solid day from QB Randall Cunningham of the Eagles, who only threw for 66 yards and 1 TD, but managed to rush for 110 yards! His best and worst play came at the end of the 1st Half, when he dodged a sack and four more defenders to rush 87 yards down the field... only to be caught at the 1 yard line and FUMBLE. Ouch. WR Mark Ingram of the Giants and WR Al Toon of the Jets added some big points with a 16.3 and 12 respectively.

Josh had a chance to slam the door shut, but QB Troy Aikman of the Cowboys had another terrible week. Aikman became the first player this season to win multiple, even back-to-back C’mon Man! Bust of the Week awards. His 1-12 with 2 picks performance netted him a score of 0.5, down 1.4 from last week!

This left the points were freakishly close heading into the final game of the week, with the Fukushima Fallouts just 4 points ahead of the Tatooine Sand People. The game between the 49ers and Chargers would decide it all, with Josh playing the 49ers Defense and Noah playing the Chargers Defense.

The Chargers strung together a few sacks early on, but studly Joe Montana and the 49ers offense would not be denied. The Niners dropped 38 points on the Chargers, handing the Defense a score of -4 for the week.

The 49ers Defense increased the lead, bullying B.J. Tolliver and the Chargers offense for 3 sacks and 4 turnovers, including one fumble that they returned for a TD. In the end, the Tatooine Sand People prevailed.


Winner: Josh (Tatooine Sand People), with 99.08 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: RB James Brooks of the Bengals, with 21.8 points.

Loser: Noah (Fukushima Fallouts), with 79.66 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: QB Dan Marino of the Dolphins, with 23.72 points.

James Brooks knows what to do
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=735r_xfmRFk

Week 2 Awards and Statistics

Owners of the Week
Ashley (Holyhead Harpies) with 145.84 Total Points.
Jamie (Westies) with 110.8 Total Points.

Drafted Players of the Week
QB Joe Montana of the 49ers with 32.96 points (Jamie)
RB Christian Okoye of the Chiefs with 30.3 points (Ashley)
The 49ers Defense with 21 points (Josh)
The Bills Defense with 20 points (Sam)

Undrafted Player of the Week
RB Jessie Clark of the Vikings with 21.8 points

C’mon, Man! Busts of the Week
QB Troy Aikman of the Cowboys with 0.5 points (Josh)
QB Jim Harbaugh of the Bears with -0.26 points (Jon)
QB Bubby Brister of the Steelers with -0.08 points (Sam)

Too Bad he was on the Bench!
WR Anthony Carter of the Vikings with 18.5 points (Noah)

Largest margin of victory: 62.92 (Drew over JeBron)
Smallest margin of victory: 17.1 (Jamie over David)
Most points scored in a loss: 91.8 (David)
Fewest points scored in a win: 84.34 (Jon)
Biggest +/- from Week 1: -70.88 (Jon) and +50.36 (Jamie)
Average Total Score: 91.052