Week 9 Results

Week #9
Blue Barracudas	at	Los Cuñados
Osama's Body Guards	at	Homestar's Runners
Cool Story, Bro	at	Westies
Kubes Likes Boobs	at	Fukushima Fallouts
Tatooine Sand People	at	Holyhead Harpies

Please remember that the Trade Deadline is Week 10. All proposed trades must occur and be approved  before Week 11 starts.

WHAT’S UP, FUCKERS????

Whoa, my bad. I’ve been watching way too much Daily Grace lately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH75LKzXdJ0

Anyways, it’s Week 9! What does that mean?? Well, Weeks 9 and 10 are the last two Bye Weeks (I’m not counting Week 14 since it’s just the Cardinals and Vikings...), so our teams are almost back to full strength!

We also might see our first playoff berth today... wow. I didn’t think this would happen until Week 12, but here’s the scenario that can unfold today:

• If Jon wins his matchup against David, he will improve to 9-0, and he can only lose a maximum of 5 games.
• This would mean that Noah, Jamie, Sam, and Tyler are automatically ranked lower than Jon because they have lost 7, 6, 6, and 5 games respectively. But Tyler could still finish 9-5 and throw off these calculations, right??? Nope. He’s already lost twice to Jon, which gives Jon the tie-break if they each finish 9-5.
• So, if Jon and Homestar’s Runners can conquer David and Osama’s Body Guards, we will have our first playoff-bound team.

I also realized something today... I’m still chasing Jon for the Division Title, but I’ve scaled back my desires a bit and I’m now focused on the #1 Wild Card spot. But yesterday I realized that under the current playoff format, the highest ranked Wild Card team that advances through Round 1 of the playoffs will face the #2 seed, which at this point is Ashley. I know Jon is undefeated, but Ashley’s team average is a full 30 points higher... ugh. Just a scary bit of info for those of us still fighting for playoff positioning.

Ok, time for some football!

Matchup #1: Divisional Battle

Blue Barracudas  vs  Los Cuñados

This matchup carries some serious weight for each team. On one side, Tyler and the Blue Barracudas are still looking to bust into the playoff scene and also get rid of the tie-break that Drew holds over them from a win earlier this season. In the opposite corner, Drew and Los Cuñados are looking to stay at the top of the Wild Card pack and continue chasing Jon for a Divsion Title.

Things were looking downright sexy for Tyler as the week got started. Barry Sanders looked like he was on roids as he completely destroyed the Dallas defense on his way to 4 TD’s and 150 yards rushing. Dirty.

It took Drew FIVE players to match Barry’s 39 point day, but because Tyler had 4 players out on a Bye Week it made the race a bit more even. That is, until RB Neal Anderson of the Bears took the field for the Blue Barracudas.

Neal “I just don’t give a fuck” Anderson not only matched the 4 TD’s that Sanders scored, he rushed for an additional 32 yards, for a total of 182! What the hell?!? Anderson posted a 42.2 for the day, which mean that Tyler had racked up over 80 points with just two players...

The only bad thing for Tyler was that Neal’s big day came against the Defense of the New Orlean’s Saints. The Bears ended up dropping 45 points on the Saints, and the resulting -7 was a big step backwards.

Speaking of the Saints, Tyler’s QB Steve Walsh snapped back to reality and produced another lowly score. The Bears intercepted him 3 times, and he only passed for THREE yards. Luckily for Walsh he was able to avoid a negative score by rushing for the Saints’ only TD late in the game.

Thanks to a struggling Saints Offense, the Bears Defense was able to set a new record by racking up 22 points for Drew!! The game went something like this: Sack, Sack, Sack, Fumble, Sack, Sack, INT, INT, Sack, Fumble, INT, Sack, Sack. REDONKULOUS.

The top QB’s for Blue Barracudas and Los Cuñados would go head to head when the Giants battled the Redskins. QB Phil Simms of the Giants provided Drew with a big boost when he threw for 3 TD’s and rushed for 1 more. The same could not be said about QB Mark Rypien of the Redskins. The tenacious Defense of the Giants shut down the usually productive QB, forcing him to post a season-low 2.06 points.

Los Cuñados took the lead for good when QB Warren Moon of the Oilers tossed a pair of TD’s, and Kicker Nick Lowery of the Chiefs totaled 9 points of his own.


Winner: Drew (Los Cuñados), with 127.7 Total Points. (6-3)
Leading Scorer: QB Phil Simms of the Giants with 30.74 points.

Loser: Tyler (Blue Barracudas), with 85.56 Total Points. (3-6)
Leading Scorer: RB Neal Anderson of the Bears with 42.2 points.

Sanders has great vision.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCMha-z2jLA

Montana threads the needle to find John Taylor for six.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EK3PF_hlEw

Matchup #2: Non-Divisional Battle

Osama’s Body Guards  vs  Homestar’s Runners

It’s tough to win games when your best players are on the bench. Then again, it’s tough to win games when your best player is under-performing. This week, David experienced the former, and Jon the latter. GAME ON.

Although QB Jim Kelly of the Bills started slow, Osama’s Body Guards have come to rely on his production in recent weeks. Sadly for David, Jim Kelly, WR Andre Reed, and WR Mark Duperr were all on a bye, and RB Keith Byars of the Eagles is still injured.

Homestar’s Runners would play without Kicker Pete Stoyanovich, but that’s not so bad.

I picked Jon to win, but David challenged that notion when RB Ottis Anderson of the Giants took his game to a whole new level. Old Man Ottis went all Trail of Tears on the Redskins, destroying them for 201 yards and 3 TD’s on the ground.

Homestar’s Runners answered back with a big day from QB Jim Everett of the Rams. I honestly can’t predict when Jon’s QB’s are going to show up and play, but this week was one of them. Everett picked apart the Falcons defense for over 300 yards, but his big points came on 2 rushing TD’s.

QB Jim Harbaugh of the Bears also had a decent day, throwing for 1 TD, rushing for another, and not committing any turnovers.

Could David fight back and put an end to this winning streak??? Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.

Osama’s Body Guards only scored 23 more points, while Homestar’s Runners piled ‘em up with steady days from the Steelers Defense, WR Drew Hill, and WR Andre Rison.

Congratulations to Jon on clinching the first playoff spot and remaining undefeated!

Winner: Jon (Homestar’s Runners), with 126.8 Total Points. (9-0)
Leading Scorer: QB Jim Everett of the Rams with 31.78 points.

Loser: David (Osama’s Body Guards), with 61.94 Total Points. (5-4)
Leading Scorer: RB Ottis Anderson of the Giants with 38.1 points.

Ottis Anderson... if he can’t run over them, he’ll run around them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsCxeRFvQmg

Drew Hill just doing what he gets paid to do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Rt-7NqelU

Matchup #3: Divisional Rematch

Cool Story, Bro  vs  Westies

Sooo... one of the competitors doesn’t exist, and the other has known for 5 days about the results of this matchup (and she doesn’t read the blog anyways)... so, ummm...

JeBron won. Jamie lost.

Cool Story, Bro got a monster day out of RB Merril Hoge, who posted a 37.2 after rushing for 183 and 2 TD’s while also catching 2 passes for 49 yards. Unexpected!

Other than that, it was an average day all around for JeBron’s team, and an abysmal day for the Westies.

The End.

Winner: JeBron (Cool Story, Bro), with 103.16 Total Points. (5-4)
Leading Scorer: RB Merril Hoge of the Steelers with 37.2 points.

Loser: Jamie (Westies), with 53.3 Total Points. (2-7)
Leading Scorer: QB Rodney Peete of the Lions with 12.68 points.

Matchup #4: Divisional Rematch

Kubes Likes Boobs  vs  Fukushima Fallouts

I don’t know if you’re keeping track, but Noah only has 1 win this season, and it came earlier this year against Kubes Likes Boobs. Could he conjure up the same magical performance this time, despite having several of his best players sitting out on a Bye Week?

Nooooooooooooooope.

I’m not sure if I’m just not in the mood to write this week, or if I’m just unwilling to write up a thrilling recap for a team that scored only 38.32 points. Maybe both?

DON’T JUDGE ME.

Seriously, Noah’s leading scorer was RB Herschel Walker of the Vikings, and he posted an earth shattering 7.9 points.

The Boobs were once again carried by the Broncos duo of QB John Elway and RB Bobby Humphrey. They ganged up on the feeble Patriots defense and combine for 4 scores, leading the attack for Kubes Likes Boobs.

Winner: Samantha (Kubes Likes Boobs), with 78.3 Total Points. (3-6)
Leading Scorer: RB Bobby Humphrey of the Broncos with 29.7 points.

Loser: Noah (Fukushima Fallouts), with 38.32 Total Points. (1-8)
Leading Scorer: RB Herschel Walker of the Vikings with 7.9 points.

The Vikings get a lucky break with this fumble.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ISD5w6l1hI

Hey, if he catches it once, I bet he can catch it again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUcsqNAH_yU

Matchup #5: Divisional Rematch

Tatooine Sand People  vs  Holyhead Harpies

Look out, Chicago. There’s a brawl going on in the streets. An exchange of fisticuffs between Josh and the Tatooine Sand People, and Ashley and the Holyhead Harpies. They haven’t spoken in weeks due to the intense nature of this Tecmo league, and I’m sure this second matchup will only make it worse.

We all know RB Christian Okoye of the Chiefs is a beast. Last week he rushed for 224 yards and 1 TD. This week?? Well, Okoye nearly broke the 300 yard mark. He dominated the Raiders defense with quick cuts and crazy bursts of speed. I thought his speed would stay low for another week or two due to his injury, but he got it back and THEN some. He’s honestly playing beyond his programmed stats, it’s crazy. Okoye finished with 289 yards and 1 TD to post a 39 for the week.

The Harpies looked to their superstar QB next, Bernie Kosar of the Browns. Cleveland started off the game with 3 consecutive rushing attempts to try and test out the Steelers Defense, but the Steelers weren’t budging. Kosar took to the air the next drive in an attempt to break through, but Pittsburgh was crazy good on D. In the end, Bernie was only able to complete 8 passes for 159 yards, and he finished the day with a 7.86.

So Woods was currently up to 46.86 Total Points after two players.

Fun fact for the day: The Tatooine Sand People only scored 46.18 Total Points as a TEAM.

When these two teams played in Week 1, their matchup resulted in the biggest margin of victory. Woods won by 77.34 points. In Week 9, she nearly topped that, beating Josh by 73.64 and once again claiming the biggest margin of victory.

The Sand People were only missing Mark Clayton, but Troy Aikman started off the week with some bad omens when he threw 2 INT’s and only amassed 23 passing yards. His -1.78 was not the start Josh needed, and did I mention that he was injured later in the game???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d2NfCikqvM

With the win, Ashley moves within 1 game of clinching a playoff spot, as long as a few other teams lose next week.

Winner: Ashley (Holyhead Harpies), with 119.82 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: RB Christian Okoye of the Chiefs, with 39 points.

Loser: Josh (Tatooine Sand People), with 46.18 Total Points.
Leading Scorer: QB Jay Schroeder of the Raiders with 12.76 points.

The 49ers Defense take away a potential TD from Ashley’s TE Keith Jackson.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ecNLJnLVtE

The Chiefs have quite the tag-team.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmP1Yp3yO5U

Week 9 Awards and Statistics

Owners of the Week
Drew (Los Cuñados), with 127.7 Total Points.
Jon (Homestar’s Runners), with 126.8 Total Points.

Drafted Players of the Week - The Week of the RB!
Neal Anderson of the Bears with 42.2 points. (Tyler)
Barry Sanders of the Lions with 39 points. (Tyler)
Christian Okoye of the Chiefs with 39 points. (Ashley)
Ottis Anderson of the Giants with 38.1 points. (David)
Merril Hoge of the Steelers with 37.2 points. (JeBron)

Undrafted Players of the Week
RB David Meggett of the Giants with 29.3 points. (Jon has him as a KR, but not on offense)
RB James Jones of the Seahawks with 28.3 points.
RB Anthoney Toney of the Eagles with 20.7 points.

C’mon, Man! Busts of the Week
QB Troy Aikman of the Cowboys with -1.78 points. (Josh)
QB Mark Rypien of the Redskins with 2.06 points. (Tyler)
QB Steve Walsh of the Saints with 3.8 points. (Tyler)

Too Bad he was on the Bench!
None are worthy

Largest margin of victory: 73.64 (Ashley over Josh)
Smallest margin of victory: 42.14 (Drew over Tyler)
Most points scored in a loss: 85.56 (Tyler)
Fewest points scored in a win: 78.3 (Sam)
Average Total Score: 84.108
Biggest +/- from Week 8: - 32.7 (Noah) and + 47.78 (Drew)